How to Hide That You're in Love With a Coworker

Thứ bảy - 27/04/2024 00:20
You feel your heart beat a little faster when a certain coworker walks your way. You laugh more heartily at their jokes and find them irresistibly fascinating. Coworker love can be extremely tricky, especially if your company forbids or...
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You feel your heart beat a little faster when a certain coworker walks your way. You laugh more heartily at their jokes and find them irresistibly fascinating. Coworker love can be extremely tricky, especially if your company forbids or frowns upon inner-office romance, you (or both of you) are in a committed relationship, or have your own personal policy on romance with someone at work. Maybe you just don't want anyone to know, perhaps not even the target of your affections. Regardless of the reason you'd like to keep your coworker crush under wraps, there are ways you can hide your amorous feelings toward your coworker, while trying to come to terms with the fact that this unrequited love may never (or should never) be realized.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Acting Professionally

  1. Step 1 Treat the coworker as you would any other coworker.
    The easiest way to hide your feelings is to simply treat them normally. In theory this is simple, but in practice it can be challenging. If it is difficult for you to keep things “as usual,” then limit your contact with that coworker as much as reasonably possible.[1]
    • For example, avoid going out for lunch with them unless a large group also goes. If you do go with a group, do your best to socialize with the other people in the group besides the one you’re interested in.
    • Think about how you would act around any one of your coworkers, and mimic that behavior with your crush.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

Setting Social Limits

  1. Step 1 Avoid chatting about things that are non-work related.
    If you aren’t able to distance yourself from the coworker (e.g. if it’s your boss or if you have daily meetings with them, or work very closely together) do your best to keep chatting related to work things, or at least keep it as superficial as possible. The more you chat about personal things, the more you will feel connected to them.[2]
    • If they ask you what you did over the weekend, you can respond with something like, “Oh, nothing special. Just took care of a few things.” Don’t then respond by asking them what they did. Keeping your answer short and not reciprocating will discourage further personal chatting.
    • If you need to chat in order to avoid an awkward silence, bring up generic things like the weather, or a big work deadline that is coming up.
    • Disregard any innuendos from your coworker. Of course, awkwardness will ensue if the coworker with whom you're in love with starts making advances. If you notice that the other person is flirting with you, disengage from the relationship or try to cut or reduce contact. In today’s technologically driven corporate workplace, you can conduct a good amount of business via email or the company’s intranet if possible.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Contemplating Your Feelings

  1. Step 1 Consider whether you're...
    Consider whether you're really in love or just infatuated. Try to figure out if it’s true love you're feeling or if you're simply infatuated. While both instances produce strong feelings, you may be able to “get over” infatuation a little quicker than true love. Intense feelings of attraction can often be brought on by the pressures or excitement of the workplace and seeing your coworker perform well in these situations. If you transfer being impressed into more intimate feelings, you'll need to sort out whether this is something more enduring or just fleeting but continued feelings of awe.
    • How well do you know this person? In some cases you may be loving another from afar, whereas in other instances your love might have grown steadily over time, because you work closely together and have had the opportunity to discuss personal values and shared interests.
    • Do you really know this person? Have you fallen in love with his or her true inner qualities or are you infatuated with their work persona?
    • Are you captivated by their seeming allure in the workplace? Power or leadership are alluring in a workplace context and can lead to infatuation.
  2. Step 4 List all the reasons to avoid an office romance.
    Perhaps seeing the reasons on paper or thinking it through carefully will help to quell your love or affection for your coworker, and help you work toward getting that person out of your head. There are many reasons for not getting involved with someone at work.[7]
    • If an office romance is forbidden, think about all the time and energy it would take to hide your relationship from others. If you go out to places with workplace friends or invite them over, you'll have to juggle a very complicated schedule of keeping them separate. While it is possible, it's tiring and eventually the amusement and excitement will wear thin until you're just bursting to tell.
    • Ponder your co-worker's negative qualities. So they are highly attractive, but this person most likely has some negative qualities too. If you focus on something negative, it might lessen your attraction or interest. Perhaps it's his or her annoying laugh, insistence on always being right or workaholic tendencies. Whatever it is, let it loom large in your thoughts as a reason for not getting intimately involved.
    • Could you get all your work done or stay focused on projects if you're pining away for another who works down the hall from you? For some people, it can be difficult to hide romance. Think about the fact that having an in-office lover could derail your career.
    • Since you work together, and spend all day together, you won’t have much else to talk about. All there is to talk about is the same work you do together all day long and if you have similar annoyances, you risk darkening each other's opinions about others in the workplace in unhelpful ways.
    • Think about what would happen if you were to break up. For most, working with an ex makes work life more challenging, and there is a risk of wanting to sabotage one another's efforts. If you can keep it professional despite a breakup, then it is manageable but can you be sure of your ability to keep all emotions out of it post intimate relationship?
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Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Dealing With Your Feelings in a Healthy Way

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  • If you're thinking about just “going for it”, check the company policy. In some companies, office romances can be grounds for firing.
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